Monday, June 13, 2005

Paradise Lost: Book II

By popular demand, our tale of lost innocence continues . . .

And the human called unto Arthur, and said unto him, Where art thou?

And he said, I heard thy voice in the livingroom, and I was afraid, because I was naked and furry; and I hid myself.

And the human Avram said, Who told thee that thou wast naked and furry? Hast thou eaten of the paper towel roll, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

And the cat Arthur said, The brother Beowulf whom thou adopted with me, he gave me of the paper towel roll, and I did eat.

And the human said unto Beowulf, What is this that thou hast done? And the cat said, The paper towels beguiled me, and I did eat of them.

And the human Avram said unto the paper towel roll, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all paper products, and above every object of the kitchen counter; hidden within a breadbox shalt thou be, and dust shalt thou clean all the days of thy life:

Unto Beowulf he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow; I will hide the sponges and the soaps in a clear plastic container so that thou mightest see them, but cannot touch them.





And unto Arthur he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy brother, and hast eaten of the paper towel roll, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the counter for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou climb on it all the days of thy life;

Sprays with the water bottle shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt be hit with a stream of cold water each time I find thee hiding in the kitchen sink.

Therefore the human sent him forth from the counter of kitchen, to walk on the floor from whence he had jumped.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

That is absolutely priceless, Avram. Kudos to thee and thine shameless kittens!

FrannyCats

Pedro C. said...

Hi, my name's Pedro!!
I find your blog for acase!
I like of them!
I'm brasilian, and my dream is travell to USA.
But, while I don't manage to arrive in USA, I like knowing new persons!!
Thanks!!

KMR said...

Too funny!! I have three cats! I'm the boss though.
~signed, Jethro, the bullmastiff

Max said...

LOL! Too funny...I don't realy lugh out loud when I read things oline often, but this one...I almost shot my Fruit2O out my nose!

(Max's Person...)

Grammie said...

I love it! Avram, Thanks for the best laugh I've had in a long time. Your boys are gorgeous by the way!

Father Bill said...

You've just made a Priest's day! God redeem your kitties!

maizzy said...

lol, really great story! aaahh kitties will be kitties... but hey, keeps you on your toes and clean... heee...

Alysha said...

Brilliant, Avram! Absolutely brilliant! You have such a knack for writing and things... First time commenter by the way, though I've been reading your blog for awhile.


Heh, I've been following your entries extensively as of late, and have jumped on the cat bandwagon of cat blogging! You're my inspiration, and I just thought I'd show my gratitude! =) I've put a link in my blog to yours, hopefully that's okay with you! If not, my contact information is in my profile, and I'll take down the link ASAP.

Your cats are absolutely precious, by the way! =) Beautiful.

~Alysha