Saturday, June 11, 2005

Paradise Lost

In the beginning, there was a man. The man met a woman and they bought an apartment with a really nice kitchen. But they were lonely. So they adopted two fur creatures and named them Arthur and Beowulf.

When they brought the fur creatures to the apartment, they pointed to the tables and the shelves and the furniture. "All these are yours to climb," said the man, "but you must never walk on the kitchen counter."

For seven months, the fur creatures enjoyed climbing the sofa, the bookshelves, the desks, and even the diningroom table and all was well. But Beowulf was not satisfied with all the other desks and chairs and shelves. He stood on top of the kitchen garbage can, staring longingly at the counter and sink. It had so many strange glass jars, pieces of tupperwear, and, of course, the most tempting roll of paper towels.

Now the paper towel roll was more subtil than any appliance or object in the apartment. And it said unto the cat, Yea, hath the man said, Ye shall not climb of every counter in the apartment?

And the cat said unto the paper towel roll, We may climb of the surfaces of any furniture in the apartment:

But of the counter of the room which is in the midst of the apartment, our human father hath said, Ye shall not jump on it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye knock something over and get hurt.

And the paper towel said unto the cat, Ye shall not surely be hurt:

For the human doth know that in the day ye jump thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as humans, lords of the apartment.

And when the cat saw that the kitchen counter was an easy climb, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a counter to be desired to make one wise, he climbed thereof, and did eat the paper towels, and gave also unto his brother with him; and he did eat paper towels also.

And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked and furry.

And they heard the voice of their human walking in the livingroom in the cool of the day: and Beowulf and his brother hid themselves from the presence of their human by sitting in the bookshelf.

And the human called unto Arthur, and said unto him, "Where art thou and what hast thou done? Hast thou eaten of the paper towel roll, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?"


Anonymous said...

So -- don't keep us in suspense -- what will their punishment be?

Anonymous said...

That cracked me up, thanks!

Wendy said...

Great parody! And bad, bad boys!

socidoc said...

~LOL~ Yay, though they walk thru the valley of the shadow of DEATH... (hopefully their punishment will be somewhat short of death... but it seemed to fit)
Good one!! You know you can't keep a good cat down!! :-))

Rahel said...

Well, if we're already getting biblical:

"I am the Lord your Cat. You shall have no other Cats before me, for I your Cat am a jealous Cat ..."

Seriously: your kitties are absolutely gorgeous. And you're right -- cats are healers.

Nancy said...

Remember, in ancient Egypt, The Cat was God.

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